Dear Liberal America, Please Stop Waving Your Dick Around.

Dear Liberal America,

Please stop waving your dick around everywhere. Stop going around proclaiming you have the biggest dick to everybody you meet and then get all outraged when one person says his is bigger. Stop acting like a huge group of people are claiming you have a tiny dick based off of the one person you ran into that decided to challenge your stupidity. Stop shoving your dick in everybody’s face and telling them that they think you have a tiny dick.

You know how many people are outraged by the Starbucks cups? One person. Some guy who is a Christian, so the liberal news media grabs onto it and since the guy was a Christian, this man is attributed to all Christians. So all the sudden all Christians are supposedly outraged by cups. Not only that, but they are also Conservatives, because Conservative starts with the same letter as Christian. Oh, and republicans. One guy chose to be outraged by cups, and the liberal media claims that Christians, Conservatives, and Republicans are all outraged over cups. So the rest of you liberals go crazy and get obsessed over Starbucks cups thinking that there are actually people outraged. You wave this around in the faces of all the Conservatives, Christians, and Republicans you know. They are all just rolling their eyes, but you were told that people were outraged by cups so you go crazy!

You see, I am not outraged, I do not care one iota about the cups that Starbucks uses. Nobody else cares one bit either. The only person that cares about the cups is yourself and that one guy who started it all. Now, I would be outraged if Starbucks was throwing gays off the roof of buildings or at least advocating for throwing gays off buildings to their deaths, but I just don’t see any logic to being outraged over cups.

Oh, and when it comes to pizza, flowers, wedding cakes, and religious freedom laws, you can feel free to cry me a river. You really do not give two bits about the people that were refused service. You are just doing what the media tells you. You wave that crap in the face of everybody, and feign that you are outraged that people would be so bold! It’s time to just chill out. It is not like a law was passed to allow for the stoning of gays to death.

What else, cups…flowers…school? Did I want to talk about college? I feel like there was something else, but I guess addressing college might be something to do. You go to college to get an education, you do not go there to spearhead a campaign to be considered the most oppressed person in the universe. Even ignoring the fact that you are going to some of the most prestigious and expensive colleges in existence, and have the family money to help pay for it, also ignoring the fact that your college is run by some of the most liberal people to ever exist, you are still a super privileged entitled dipwad following the media cues to be outraged and consider yourself oppressed. Not having an arbitrary number of women or black people in specific positions isn’t outrageous. If the school was selling you into sex slavery, that would be an outrage and also you actually being oppressed.

So please, Liberal America, put your dicks away. I don’t care about it. Nobody cares about it. If you think you have the biggest dick in the world, great. Have fun with that. Just stop waving it in our faces and act like the biggest crime against humanity was committed when somebody says they think you have a tiny dick.


Common Sense

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